Hello World!
If you saw the title please hear me out! In this lovely holiday season Lifetime constantly plays these Christmas movies. The plot is consistent boy meets girl, girl meets boy, they fall in love when they're young. They break up, don't see each other for a period of time, meet again, and then rekindle their relationship after a big blow out. I'm not coming for you Lifetime I'm just saying there's a theme here.
I also had the pleasure of watching Sylvie's Love last week and it blew me away! It brought up feelings for me. More specifically questioning of myself and my self-view on love. I think watching the themes of Lifetime movies and Sylvie's Love brought up the idea of soulmates. I know, I know, I have probably talked about this before. But you all know that my memory is complete crap so if I did and you read about it sorry.
Back to my point, what is a soulmate? Do they exist? Do I have one? Have I had one?
Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines a soulmate as:
1: a person who is perfectly suited to another in temperament
2: a person who strongly resembles another in attitudes or beliefs
Let's delve a little deeper, soulmate is defined as something romantic. It can be platonic too. You can have someone who just gets you. I also think a soulmate is someone who can pour into you as well. I think watching movies that touched upon romanticize what soulmates are or can be. I probably sound like a scrooge, but I don't know I'm not saying they don't exist, I am saying that I don't think I have found one yet. Also, how does soulmateship work? Is that a word? Soulmatesip? If not it's a word now!
Let me make this, make sense. I don't know if it is because I feel like love has not consistently worked out for me. I don't know I don't even mean it romantically, I just know when I let someone in it usually blows up in my face whether it's self-sabotage or the fact that the person and I are not working out in general. I have such high hopes for love, I love, love! I always. have and I always will, maybe I just don't love it for me. Or maybe I am not meant to have it? I keep having the same conversation in my head over and over again. It's a cycle, where I keep replaying past relationships in my head. I keep questioning if I was the reason why things didn't work out, if it was them, or if it was mutual? I am going over each and everyone with a fine-tooth comb. I want to make sure I didn't miss anything. But I also know I can't live in the past forever.
My present is amazing and from what I can see my future is going to be bright. I want everything to be perfect all the time. I need to let go and as my therapist would say, allow love to happen. I don't know my head has been all over the place for the past week. I just have so many doubts, a lot stems from my self-esteem or lack thereof. I don't know I just, I just want love to be the least of my worries, I want it to be something that motivates me to better myself. I am not looking for someone to complete me rather, I am looking for someone who motivates me to complete myself and make my own self whole. I think I have found that (one small nugget of my love life, won't happen again...for now). Okay, I think that's all I have to share!
Another day as an adult (who has doubts (again)),
Tasha
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