Happy Valentine' s Day!!
For those of you who don't know, I am single, and you know what that is okay. This is the first full year and a half that I have actually been single! Yes, I've dated here and there but I haven't been in a relationship in the past year and a half. Something that I worked through in therapy is the idea of being alone. I've learned that being alone isn't bad! You're never really alone, you have yourself and I am learning that I am great company.
To be completely honest and transparent, I used to have an issue and fear of being alone. This meant that I would jump into any and every relationship possible without getting to know the person first. After the first date, I would say "yes" to being someone's girlfriend. I was a serial monogamist and that was a problem. This was a problem, for me at least I can't speak on others' experiences. Again, I was afraid of being alone, and I honestly didn't know what alone looked or felt like. I feel like I was afraid that once I got to know myself I wouldn't like what I saw. And I can say that I was wrong. I love what I say in the mirror, and while I have my days when I talk badly about myself, I still truly and deeply love myself.
Here are four things that I did to get to know myself:
1) I would take myself on dates. That meant that I would go out to eat by myself. I would usually bring a book to read, and find a small little booth in a corner and enjoy myself. I have also taken myself to the movies, I splurged a little and got myself a drink, a small popcorn, AND m&m's. For a broke college student, this is a lot.
2) I am still working on this but I would designate time as "me time". This is when my phone would go on do not disturb, and I would have quiet time. Sometimes I'd take a nap (I loveeee naps by the way), sometimes I would paint my nails, sometimes I would watch YouTube videos on different makeup looks and give it a shot, and sometime I would binge watch Nextflix shows.
3) Another thing that I am working on is saying "no". I liked to add a lot of things to my plate because I was afraid of being alone. I was afraid of facing who I really was. I still do this to this day. Now that I am in nursing school I actually have to say "no" to things. School is a priority and I can't let anyone or thing get in the way of my dreams. I used to pick up every shift available at work but now I am learning to take a step back and see what shifts work for me. I am actually working and not allowing work to control me. As much as I love church I am cutting back on the things that I sign up for. It's hard because you don't want to say "no" to church people, but in my case, I have to. I am also learning how to say "no" to my friends. I love my friends dearly but I need time to study I can't spend every single moment with them. I need time to focus on school.
4) Number four is something that I have done consistently over the past four years. I take myself or I take myself and one of my sisters on a retreat. We go away for a weekend put our phones in airplane mode and just be. We enjoy our surroundings, we enjoy our time together, and we enjoy our time with ourselves. We usually do this right before school so we get a chance to clear our heads. This is something I will highly recommend to anyone who just needs a break.
I am not bitter at all this Valentine's Day. I am happy about love. As a matter of fact, I love, love. I wish love and happiness to everyone in this world. And I know love will be heading my way soon and I'll be ready! All I can do in the meantime is love myself and those that I care about the most. So hopefully you are all enjoying the day with someone you love (even if it's yourself)! I'll be home enjoying a burrito from Chipotle.
Another day as an adult......damn,
Tasha
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