Hello World!
Let's talk about one of my favorite battles that takes place inside my head. Do I deserve to be here? What about the other people who want to be where I am but can't?
*Deep Sigh*
I had a really good therapy session last week that was really comforting. We talked about imposter syndrome and I know that sounds crazy to say that imposter syndrome was somehow positive but it was. And y'all know I love therapy and there is no shame in my game when it comes to talking about it. Anyway, we talked about this fear I have. This fear of being "found out" of being a fraud. Of not being good enough. And I realized that this trickled down to other aspects of my life, especially when it comes to my eating disorder. I am afraid of being great, and I am scared of what comes after, is their failure on the other side? Is there another bar I have to set and overcome? Are there more battles to fight (and win)? I know life won't be perfect after I achieve my dream but I am scared of what comes next. I think being out of control scares me, that's why I overeat because I am in control of something, I hate the results but at least I am in control? That makes total sense right? (insert eye roll here).
I think, no I know that these expectations that I set for myself are not realistic, heck, they aren't reachable for the average person in general. Yet somehow I set myself up for failure, probably on purpose so I can say "see you're not good enough" and "you really don't deserve to be here". I don't know, okay I do know. I need to do better and I also need to extend myself some grace. Nobody but God Himself is perfect and that isn't realistic. I need to set smart goals for myself and enjoy the victories that come with them. I encourage you to do the same. Extend yourself some grace today and tell me how it goes!
Another day as an adult (who needs some grace)......damn,
Tasha
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